December 28, 2011
By Mike McManus
Only 51 percent of Americans are currently married – a record
low – down from 72 percent in 1960, according to a Pew Research Center
analysis of Census data.
There are three major factors behind these trends.
First, the number of never-married Americans has nearly doubled
from 15 to 28 percent from 1960-2010. Pew said that many couples are
cohabiting instead of marrying because “they fear divorce.” Why? Many are
adult children of divorce who do not want to live through such pain again.
Second, the number of divorced and un-remarried people has grown
from 5 to 14 percent of the population.
Third, in the last 50 years the age at which people marry has
jumped six years to 26 for women, and for men, to 29 years. Today only a
fifth of adults aged 18-29 are married vs. three times as many in 1960, 59
What’s troubling to me is not the later age at which people
marry, which is generally wise, but the fact so many have never married.
Only 72 percent of today’s adults have ever married vs. 85 percent in 1960.
This is a big cultural change. What is behind this shift?
Another recent Pew survey reported that four in ten Americans (39 percent)
think marriage is “becoming obsolete.”
What I find particularly interesting is that 47% of those who
think marriage is becoming obsolete say they would like to marry – virtually
the same share (45 percent) of unmarried adults who think marriage is not
becoming obsolete, who say they want to wed.
Those numbers suggest a strategy for churches, who perform nine
of ten weddings: make a case for marriage from the pulpit.
True, there aren’t many cohabiting couples in church, but there are millions
of church-going parents of adult children who do not know what to say to
What are the best arguments that pastors might make about the
value of marriage?
I recommend that clergy read “The State of Our Unions: Marriage
in America 2011,” by the Institute for American Values (IAV.org). Its
co-authors are W. Bradford Wilcox of the National Marriage Project at the
University of Virginia and Elizabeth Marquardt of IAV’s Center for Marriage
Their report provides scientific evidence of what every pastor
has long believed: “Couples who both agree that `God is at the center of our
marriage’ are at least 26 percentage points more likely to report that they
are `very happy.” While 50 percent of both men and women report being very
happy, of those who believe God is at the center of their marriage, 77
percent of women and 76 percent of men are very happy.
These more religious couples are also more likely to report high
levels of commitment and a pattern of generous behavior toward one another.
“In other words, marital spirituality is linked to beliefs and behaviors
that strengthen the marriage bond,” said the report.
Similarly, mothers and fathers who see parenting as one of
“life’s greatest joys,” are about twice as likely to reporting being very
happy in their marriages. It is one of the “Top Five Predictors of Marital
However, the report cautions that “parenthood is typically
associated with lower levels of marital happiness.” Having a baby
requires sacrifices such as a loss of sleep, less disposable income and
often, less quality time with one another, resulting in less sex.
And there is a sad paradox among young
Americans. While most would like to have two or three children, “a growing
share of young women and men believe that a good marriage is personally
unattainable, and more are raising children outside of marriage.”
However the report, “When Baby Makes Three,” provides new
evidence that both husbands and wives – but wives especially – are “more
likely than their childless peers to feel their lives have a sense of
meaning and purpose.” And a substantial minority of married couples do not
experience parenthood as an obstacle to marital happiness.
What is their secret? Two answers are shared housework chores
and sexual satisfaction. One surprise is that the happiest wives and
husbands today “are those with no children and those with four or more
Another important factor is education. Americans without
college degrees are three times as likely to divorce in the first ten years
of marriage vs. those with college education.
Most important, however, is a shared faith that endows marriage
“with transcendent significance.” Attending services together is a top
predictor of marital stability.
Finally, “parenthood makes life meaningful and marriage makes