April 18, 2012
Advise How To Protect Your Marriage
By Mike McManus
ORLANDO -The Secret Service
sex scandal is the tip of America’s adultery iceberg. Studies report
that infidelity is on the rise, particularly among older men and women
and young couples.
Good news! Adulterers have
advice on how you can protect your marriage!
First, the data. According
to a National Science Foundation survey at the University of Chicago, in
any given year about 12 percent of men and 7 percent of women say they
had sex outside marriage. That’s no epidemic.
However, the lifetime rate of
infidelity for men over 60 has increased from 20 percent in 1991 to 28
percent in 2006. For women over 60, adultery has tripled from 5 percent
in 1991 to 15 percent over a lifetime.
It’s also growing among new marriages.
One-fifth of men and 15 percent of women under35 say they have ever been
unfaithful, up from about 15 and 12 percent.
At the American Association
of Christian Counselors meeting in Orlando, David Carder spoke about
“Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You To Know About Protecting Your
First, the culture has become
more permissive. For example, a generation of divorce has spawned
“children of divorce,” who are particularly vulnerable. Half of
adulterers suffered through a parental divorce.
Secondly, nowadays marriage
is postponed so long that by the time people marry, they have had
several serious relationships. If their spouse does not turn out to be
their dreamed SOUL MATE, people remember that former friend as a person
to “talk to.” If they meet, and have a drink or two together, the
adultery temptation becomes very real very quickly.
Two-thirds of men and 51
percent of women would have an affair with an old flame if they don’t
think they will get caught!
Add to that the Internet,
where people say things they’d never say in person. In fact, eHarmony
claims credit for 5 percent of all weddings, about 100,000 a year!
“Is it possible to be
innocently prepared for adultery?” asked Carder. “Yes!”
Stress increases the likelihood of
infidelity. He cited a study to prove it. Researchers asked men to
walk over a bridge, and then describe an average-looking coed at the end
of the bridge. A month later, they were asked to walk over the same
bridge, and describe the same girl. But this time, the bridge shook,
and appeared unstable.
Now their descriptions of the same co-ed
reported her more attractive, even beautiful.
“When you go through elevated periods of
stress or anxiety, the first person looks better than they are,” Carder
asserted. “They appear to be the answer to your dilemma.”
Another study of pastors who committed
adultery found that 90 percent felt bushwhacked or surprised and never
saw it coming. “Very quick chemistry can shock you with its power, an
infatuation explosion,” which can ruin a career for absolutely nothing.
Be forewarned and forearmed!
Here’s another danger adulterers want to
warn you about: platonic relationships. A man and woman might share an
interest or a passion at work or in volunteering. Half of adulteries
begin with an innocent friendship with a person of the opposite sex.
You enjoy the same music or serving the poor.
Or your might face a “dangerous partner
profile.” You meet someone and think, “I will have an affair with this
guy,” as soon as he walked in. It is not the wild person who instantly
Adulterers want to warn you about other
You find yourself saving topics of
conversation for that colleague at work, rather than your spouse. You
feed the friendship, but not with evil intentions.
Your friend asks you, “How can I get my
husband to listen to me?”
You try to show you have a caring heart
and try to be helpful.
You find yourself comparing your spouse
to that friend, thinking, “If he respected me like Bill does.” You know
he is not trying to seduce you, but are seduced!
You find yourself thinking, “How lucky he
is to be married to her. He has such a great wife.”
You find yourself spending more alone
time with a friend than with a spouse and rationalize, “We are serving
She listens to you, without flirting with
you. That makes you want to spend more time with the friend. But you
tell her, “When you see me at church with my wife, don’t smile at me.”
Adultery has many pleasant faces.
2002 Michael J.