May
14, 2008
Column #1,394
Advance for May 17, 2008
"In the Valley of the Shadow of Death"
by Mike McManus
A friend of mine, Stephen Judah, who is only 58, is dying. However, he
learned - and is teaching "how to live when it is time to die." He
created a "CaringBridge.org" website, used by 15 million people this
year, and linked 50 friends and relatives.
What he writes is so inspirational that there've been 9,100 visits to
the site. Clearly, his friends, moved by Steve's postings, tell other
friends to go to CaringBridge.org/visit/SteveJudah.
On Monday he wrote:"As the baby-boomers age, in unprecedented numbers,
people (you too) will be facing the same decisions I'm now facing. How
does one live when it's time to die? What decisions do you make? As a
family we have been greatly blessed through our open discussions of the
transition from earth to eternity. We invite you to gain this blessing
as well.
"Soon after we got news of the my cancer diagnosis, Sharon and I met
with an attorney that specializes in estate matters and wills. We wrote
a new will. Included in the document is something called a living will,
where you declare whether or not you want to be put on life-support.
"In the early stage of my illness we progressed through radiation,
chemotherapy, and surgery with the goal of a cure. But after six months
it became clear that the cancer had advanced and a cure would not likely
occur. I moved into what is called palliative care – care for comfort,
rather than for a cure. At this point I made three big decisions.
"First I decided to not accept further chemotherapy. The scenario would
play out like this. Chemotherapy would likely make me feel miserable for
three days, and then I would have an uncertain outcome. The chemotherapy
might knock down the cancer cells for a few days, weeks, or even months
– or not. But barring a miraculous healing, the cancer will eventually
rally and we would find ourselves back at the same place. So I decided
to say no to further chemotherapy.
"Second I decided to use Hospice for my care... Hospice wants to provide
the highest quality of life and comfort possible, at your own home. By
contrast a hospital-based approach would no doubt take me in and out of
the hospital and through procedure after procedure to extend my life an
uncertain duration.
"Third I wanted to be like I imagine the Indians of old" who go "into a
meditation, and then dying in a state of oneness with the Great Spirit.
I anticipate dying in a state of oneness with God, surrounded by Light,
and feeling Love."
As recently as March 26th my column on adultery quoted from Steve's
landmark book, "Staying Together: When an Affair Pulls You Apart." As a
psychologist in private practice he developed a way for couples to heal
adulterous marriages in 87 percent of cases!
He also created a course called "Essential Disciplines," as a model for
couples and even business employees to learn how "to have empowered and
whole relationships." He hoped to spark a "small national movement"
whose purpose is to draw "toward wholeness with God," in a practical
implementation of what St. Paul called the "fruits of the spirit."
Toward that end, he created a version of Essential Disciplines for
teenagers, which the Dibble Institute just decided to publish. "For that
I am so grateful," he wrote because he could see that the central part
of his work will have a legacy.
Yet, what may be more important are his thoughts approaching eternity:
"As I've explored eternity, I've come to the conclusion that odds are
you will miss me but I will not miss you. Eternity seems to be such a
grand place that there will not be much room for sorrow in the form of
missing things associated with earth.
"However, this side of eternity, while yet here on earth, at this very
moment, I do miss and regret some anticipated experiences - such as
walking my youngest daughter down the wedding aisle to give her away to
the very blessed groom, watching my grandchildren grow up, or communing
with Sharon (his wife) as we stroll on the beach and remember...
"We need more teaching about eternity and heaven. This CaringBridge
website has provided that surprise opportunity. I simply agree with the
powerful words of the Apostle Paul, `For me to live is Christ, and to
die is gain.' God is a God of surprises - delightful and ceaseless
surprises." In an interview he explained: "In the valley of the shadow
of death, God shows up and makes Himself available in ways that are
personal, tangible and unique."
As one friend wrote, "Steve you taught us how to live, but now
surprisingly, you are teaching us how to die."
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