July 18, 2013
Column #1,664
The Social Costs of Pornography
By Mike McManus
Pornography is ubiquitous in the American culture - a silent killer of
millions of marriages. This week Dr. Patrick Fagan of the Family Research
Council delivered a milestone address and PowerPoint presentation to expose
porn’s harm to the individual, the family and the culture.
It was co-sponsored by the Cardinal Newman Society, a Catholic group active on
hundreds of college campuses. Several presidents of major Catholic universities
say that pornography is the Number #1 problem on their campuses. The lecture was
headlined as “Porn in the Dorm: The Impact of Pornography on College Campus
Life.”
As Fagan put it, “More and more teenagers are coming of age in a culture where
pornography is not only accessible, but acceptable. For college students, the
use of pornography is especially problematic. Away from home and surrounded by
friends, co-eds are susceptible to an addiction that can destroy their
education, their relationships and their future.”
Coincidentally, several days before he spoke, The New York Times published a
three-page article headlined, “She Can Play That Game, Too.”
“The guys on college campuses want to have casual sex, and the girls want
romance, right? Increasingly, however, women are the ones looking to hook up.”
“A” texted “her regular hook up – the guy she is sleeping with but not dating.”
They had sex that night, but she confesses that it was not about the meeting of
two souls. “We don’t really like each other in person, sober.” She said, adding
that “we literally can’t sit down and have coffee.”
Yikes, this was not the atmosphere of Duke University where I graduated decades
ago. Both men and women dated in hopes of finding a partner for life. The Times
story was independent corroboration of the concern of university presidents and
Dr. Fagan who began his career as a grade school teacher in Ireland before
pursuing a doctorate in clinical psychology and now directs FRC’s Marriage and
Religion Research Institute (MARRI),
A major thesis of his lecture is that people “are free to choose (porn) – but
are not free to choose the consequences.”
Fagan detailed porn’s harm to the individual and marriage: “Porn undermines the
sexual capacity of the individual because the core purpose (of sex) is to relate
intimately to one’s spouse, both personally and sexually. Because the husband
has less capacity to be sexually involved with his spouse, the wife senses the
changed relationship between her and her husband. The man is less available. He
has less of himself to give.”
Two-thirds of married couples lose interest in sex with each other if one is
addicted to porn. One’s spouse is less attractive to the porn user. He often
views marriage as confining. Subsequently, a belief creeps in that fidelity is
not important. That can lead not only to affairs but prostitutes.
One study of divorce lawyers reports pornography is involved in 60 to 68 percent
of divorces! The hooking-up culture on campuses which seems so fun and innocent
caused long-term disaster.
While men are six times more likely to become addicted to porn than women,
females can become addicted to cybersex and online infidelity, which leads to
face-to-face infidelity in 80 percent of cases for both genders.
They can not only lose their spouse, but 58 percent of addicts experience
considerable financial loss, with a third even losing their jobs. Many suffer
depression and loneliness.
What lies behind such disaster is the profound lie of pornography that sex is
harmless as well as fun. In fact, porn addiction is an easy trap to fall into.
Fagan warns: “Young men who become addicted should not marry until that
addiction is cleared up. Similarly, no woman should ever marry a man addicted to
pornography.”
There are answers. First, install a filter on your computer to block porn
images, which can be obtained from the American Family Association in Tupelo,
MS.
Second, I urge you see Pat Fagan’s lecture which can be found at
http://www.frc.org/university.
The lecture will be shown in Cardinal Newman clubs across the country. Parents
should download it, and ask their teenagers and college students to watch it
with them.
If they learn of the consequences and dangers, harm can be avoided. The lecture
also provides evidence that those who marry as virgins have the happiest
marriages, few abortions and lowest divorce rates. Parents can assert, “You are
free to choose, but not free to choose the consequences.”
For those who have become addicted, I suggest you join a Sex Addicts Anonymous
group, and seek professional help.
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