Ethics & Religion
Column #2,011
Feb. 27, 2020
The
Nuclear Family - Part 2 of 2
By Mike McManus
In last week's column I reported upon the death of the "nuclear
family," of a husband and wife and two kids. Due to divorce and
cohabitation only a third of Americans now live in a nuclear family.
It is the highly educated and affluent families who are married and
stable. College educated women aged 22 to 44 have a 78% chance of their
first marriage lasting 20 years.
Among Americans aged 18 to 55 only 26% of the poor and 39% of the
working class are married. About 40% of children are born to unmarried
parents. More American children live with a single parent than children
from any other country.
This failure of the natural family has led to great loneliness, sadness
and rising rates of drug and alcohol addiction and suicide. Many older
Americans are now "elder orphans," with no relatives or friends to take
care of them.
David Brooks, a New York Times columnist, has written an article for the
current issue of The Atlantic which describes this sad state of the
American family.
However, he also reports on a "revival of the extended family" which
"has largely been driven by young adults moving back home." In 2014, 35%
of American men aged 18-34 lived with their parents. Another chunk of
the revival is due to Americans over 65 moving in with their children. A
fifth of seniors now live with their kids.
In fact, a 2016 survey reports that 44% of homebuyers were looking for a
home that would accommodate their elderly parents. One construction firm
calls these houses as "two homes under one roof." The "in-law suite" for
aging parents has its own entrance, kitchenette and dining area.
The "Millennial suite," for boomeranging adult children has its own
driveway and entrance too.
The most interesting extended families stretch beyond kinship lines. On
the website CoAbode, "single mothers can find other single mothers
interested in sharing a home," Brooks reports. They have separate
sleeping quarters and shared communal areas. Common, a real estate
development company launched in 2015, operates 25 co-housing communities
in six states.
A co-housing community in Oakland, Cal. Is Temescal Commons that houses
23 members, ranging in age from 1 to 83, in a complex with nine housing
units, with a shared courtyard and a shared industrial-size kitchen
where residents prepare a communal dinner Thursday and Sunday nights.
The adults babysit one another's children and older parents counsel the
younger ones. When members if this extended family have suffered
unemployment or major health crises, the whole clan has rallied
together.
These extended families work because they are what Brooks calls "chosen
families" that "transcend traditional kinship lines."
Two years ago, Brooks started something he called "Weave: The Social
Fabric Project." It exists to "support and draw attention to people and
organizations around the country who are building community." The
Weavers provide "the kind of care to non-kin that many of us provide
only to kin - the kind of support that used to be provided by the
extended family."
One example is in Salt Lake City, a group called the "Other Side
Academy" which gives serious felons a new extended family. Many have
been allowed to leave prison early, where they were serving long
sentences. But they had to live in a group home and work at shared
businesses, a moving company and a thrift store.
They dine together, and gather several evenings a week for something
they call "Games." Often they scream at each other. Gigantic men covered
in tattoos shout at one another. But afterward, men and women who have
never had a loving family suddenly have "relatives" who hold each other
accountable.
Nursing homes have been set with preschools so that senior citizens and
young children can go through life together. In Baltimore, a nonprofit
called Thread surrounds underperforming students with volunteers, some
of whom are called "grandparents."
Brooks himself is part of a forged family in Washington D.C. called All
Our Kids or AOK-DC. David and his wife, Kathy, created the group with
their son in a D.C. Public School, who had a friend named James with
nothing to eat and no place to stay. So they suggested that he move in,
as did others. Soon 25 people were having dinner every Thursday night,
and several slept in the basement. When a young woman in their group
needed a kidney, David gave her one of his.
Americans are learning to live in new extended and forged families.
It's a new day for a different type of family.
__________________________
Copyright (c) 2019 Michael J. McManus, a syndicated columnist and past president of Marriage Savers. To read past columns, go to
www.ethicsandreligion.comm. Hit
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