Ethics & Religion
Column #2,031
July 15, 2020
Marriages Are Falling - But Improving
By Mike McManus
As a result of Covid-19 and the recession, fewer couples are getting
married. Millions of parents have lost their jobs, with the result that
divorce rates are rising - particularly if the father loses his job.
The marriage rate was already dropping prior to Covid-19 to a record low in
2018. The current recession will drive the marriage rate even lower, because
couples are reluctant to tie the knot when their economic prospects are
uncertain. The people hit hardest by the marital decline are the less
educated and the working class. A staggering number of today's young adults
will never marry - at least one-third, by one estimate.
By the mid-21st century, millions of Americans will be what the Chinese call
"bare branches" - men and women without kin. These men and women will not
have the economic, social or emotional support they need in midlife - and
especially in old age.
However, in the midst of this tumult, there is a silver lining. The "soulmate"
version of marriage will fade but be replaced by a "family-first" model that
will be stronger and more stable and more likely to offer a secure harbor
for children.
The soulmate model of marriage can be heard in thousands of songs, seen in
hundreds of Hollywood movies and many self-help books. Think Elizabeth
Gilbert's song, "Eat Pray Love" or the song "120,000 Hours" by Dan Shay and
Justin Bieber. These songs have sparked a popular myth prompting men and
women to go into marriage with unrealistic expectations.
As government and the market took care of more and more basic needs like
food and shelter, married couples felt free to focus on emotional
connections and personal fulfillment. However, in the darker and more
difficult world we now face, marked by economic insecurity and government
impotence, the soul mate myth became more unrealistic. Husbands and wives
will come to see how little they can depend upon the government and the
market-and how much they have to lean on one another.
They will rediscover marriage as a space primarily dedicated to raising
children where lifelong commitment and community support - including that of
a local church - are essential. In other words, they will learn that
marriage is about much more than the fluctuating feelings of two people.
After Covid-19, most marriages will not collapse but instead grow stronger.
According to Brad Wilcox of Christianity Today,
hardships during the Great Recession led many Americans to deepen their
marital commitments and, in many cases, cancel their plans to divorce. In
fact, the divorce rate has fallen by one-fifth, since the last recession as
Americans became more committed and cautious about married life.
The "family first" model depends on a "till death do us part" ethic. Couples
who embrace this ethic are less likely to worry about divorce. They are more
likely to be happily married. In fact 82% of them reported that divorce is
not an option - said they were satisfied.
As marriages become stronger and childbearing becomes more selective, the
share of kids being raised in intact families will go up, increasing the
family stability advantage for many children. In the wake of the Great
Recession, there have been declines in divorce and declines in the share of
babies born outside of marriage, leading to an uptick in the share of
children being raised by their own married parents.
Americans who stay married will emerge from this pandemic in better
emotional and financial shape than single Americans or those who divorce.
Married adults tend to be happier than single adults.
In a family-first marriage communion between husband and wife motivates
their matrimony but so too does a concern for giving their children a stable
home, keeping their heads above water financially, helping other family
members and honoring their vows to remain together. The church is especially
well-positioned to play a supportive role in this "till death" model of
marriage.
The Institute for Family Studies reports that couples who stay actively
involved in their religious communities and pray together regularly are much
more likely to enjoy vibrant marriages. Of course, church-going Christians
are also much more likely than other Americans to get married in the first
place.
Although much about our world is bleak and will be for some time, the
post-pandemic future for married families looks bright with wedlock emerging
stronger, more stable, and better positioned to provide the secure
foundation that children need to thrive. All of this will be especially true
for the faithful.
_________________________
Copyright (c) 2020 Michael J. McManus, President of Marriage Savers and
a syndicated columnist. To read past columns, go to
www.ethicsandreligion.commm. Hit
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