Ethics & Religion
Column #2,034
August 6, 2020
The Devastation of Pornography
By Mike McManus
Millions of men have become addicted to pornography. They spend hours
each day watching beautiful women have sex with men. Sadly, "Porn is
destroying our relationships, hurting our families, and perhaps most
frightening of all, fundamentally changing the way our children develop
sexually," concludes Pamela Paul in her landmark book, Pornified: How
Pornography is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships and Our
Families.
A new study which interviewed 350 divorce lawyers, found they asserted
that pornography played a significant role in 60% of divorces. "Porn is
ruining marriage," they say.
John Matthews, a divorce attorney, says that in most cases, spouses deny
porn use. Matthews reports porn is cited among complaints of
"Constructive Desertion." Meaning the spouse is at fault for emotionally
abandoning their partner, and withdrawing from quality time that could
be spent with his wife in physical intimacy." In fact, he says, "I have
had many cases where the husband won't even touch his wife, and several
cases in which spouses have not had sex in three or four years."
The burning question is if divorce lawyers have been raising the red
flag on porn use in association with divorce, why aren't more people
paying attention? A new study presented at the 2016 American
Sociological Association annual meeting suggests that men and women who
"begin to consume pornography partway through their marriage are more
likely to get divorced than their non-porn consuming peers."
Researchers have been able to analyze how pornography jmpacts marriage
over multiple years. The new paper uses data from the 2006-2014 General
Social Survey. Researchers can see how attitude motivations have changed
over time. Out of 5,698 responses, 1,681 said they had watched an
X-rated movie. Those who did so were more likely to split with their
partners during the survey. The chances of divorce? For women, that
number tripled.
Most of the men - between 55% and 70% - watched porn to begin with, and
very few ever quit.
However, couples who attended a worship service at least once a week,
were less likely to divorce. The Lord is a strong believer in marriage -
and will bless believer marriages. That's the only good news in this
bleak column.
Unfortunately, pornography is becoming so acceptable that to express
disapproval brands a critic as unsexy, reactionary or intolerant.
Among men in the U.S. Army, erectile dysfunction has bumped up to 40%.
This is an
effect of pornography. They cannot please their women. What percentage
of erectile
dysfunction is among young men? That used to be a problem of the old
guys.
Pamela Paul, author of Pornified, interviewed more than 100 people in
depth and reported on a Harris poll. In most of her personal interviews,
respondents had not discussed the issue with anyone else - not their
wives or girl friends.
"Countless men described9 how, while using porn, they have lost the
ability to relate or be close to women. They have trouble being turned
on by "real" women, and their sex lives with their girlfriends or wives
collapse. These are men who seem like regular guys, but spend hours each
week with porn - usually on line," Ms. Paul reports. "And many of them
admit they have trouble cutting down use, once they become accustomed to
the easy excitement and release of Internet pornography. They also find
themselves seeking out harder and harder pornography."
Of course, many mothers and fathers (even those who use porn themselves)
are particularly upset by the idea their children will look at
pornography. Unfortunately, there is nothing parents can do to block it
from their children.
Pamela Paul conducted 100 in-depth interviews to see how their lives
were being touched "and often radically transformed" by pornography. "In
most cases, this was a subject they hadn't discussed with anyone else -
not their wives or girl friends, nor their friends or therapists.
"Countless men described how, while using porn, they have lost their
ability to relate, or be close to women. They have trouble being turned
on by "real" women. and their sex lives with girl friends or wives
collapse," she writes.
No wonder half of America's marriages have ended in divorce since the
1970s.
Ms Paul asserts, "What strikes me is that pornography has become so
prevalent, it Is unavoidable. More than half of 18-to-24 year olds - the
first generation to reach puberty in a pornified America - say it's hard
for them to go online without seeing pornography. It is truly
ubiquitous.
Another crucial finding, especially moving forward, is that so few
American adults believe that pornography should be unrestricted.
Somehow, there's this prevailing notion that everyone is OK with porn."
Not this columnist.
I believe we must fight this plague for families and for a decent
America.
_________________________
Copyright (c) 2020 Michael J. McManus, a syndicated columnist and past president of Marriage Savers. To read past columns, go to
www.ethicsandreligion.com. Hit
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