Ethics & Religion
Column #2,044
October 12, 2020
55 Years of Marriage
By Mike McManus
This week, my wife, Harriet, and I celebrate our 55th wedding
anniversary! We have been blessed with three wonderful sons and nine
delightful grandchildren.
As a product of our marriage, we created Marriage Savers, an
organization which worked with 10,000 churches in 230 cities to prepare
couples for a healthy marriage, to enrich existing ones and save those
in crisis. An independent study estimated that divorce rates in our
cities fell 17.5% on average, with nine cities slashing divorce by 50%
or more. Result: about 200,000 marriages were saved from divorce.
What wisdom can be passed on to the next generation? Much comes from
others:
Claire Booth Luce commented: "To a daughter contemplating the flaws in
her marriage, a mother observes, `Remember, dear, it's being together at
the end that really matters.'"
Benjamin Franklin wrote: "Work as if you were to live 100 years; pray as
if you were to die tomorrow."
Kahlil Gibran in The Prophet, is eloquent: "For even as love crowns you
so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your
pruning."
Robert Lewis Stevenson observed, "Marriage is one long conversation with
disputes." However, he adds, "Marriage is our last, best chance to grow
up."
William Shakespeare put it succinctly: "My heart is ever at your
service."
Gloria Steinem, who did not marry until she was 66, comments, "Being
married is like having somebody permanently in your corner. It feels
limitless, not limited."
Joyce Brothers is more practical: "Marriage is not just spiritual
commitment. It is also remembering to take out the trash."
Luciano DeCrescenzo is inspirational: "We are, each of us, angels with
only one wing, and we can only fly embracing each other."
Early on, Harriet and I made two promises to each other: First, to
listen. As a writer, my first instinct is to speak. But I learned good
communication requires careful listening. We also pledged not to let the
sun set on our anger.
Diane Sollee of Smart Marriages stated delightfully: "To get divorced
because your love has died is like selling your car because it is out of
gas."
Tony Heath advises succinctly: "Be presidents of each other's fan
clubs."
I Corinthians 13: 4-7 offers 14 definitions of love: "Love is patient;
love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud. It
is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps
no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with
the truth. II always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." Harriet
and I have tried to live those virtues.
An anonymous person observed: "Love is a four letter word spelled
T-I-M-E."
George Eliot asked a powerful question: "What greater thing is there for
two human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to
strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow,
to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in
silent unspeakable memories of the moment of the last parting."
Ogden Nash quipped, "To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the
wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right,
shut up."
Martin Luther wrote, "There is no more love, friendly and charming
relationship, commitment or company than a good marriage."
Elaine, aged 5, wisely observed, "Love is when mommy gives daddy the
best piece of chicken."
Former First Lady Barbara Bush observed, "I married the first man I ever
kissed. When I tell that to my children they just about throw up."
I close with an anonymous observation: "The question is asked, "Is there
anything more beautiful in life than a young couple clasping hands and
pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be anything more
beautiful than young love?"
"And the answer is given, `Yes, there is a more beautiful thing. It is
the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey
together on that path. Their hands are gnarled, but still clasped; their
faces are seamed, but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed
and tired, but still strong with love and devotion for one another. Yes,
there is a more beautiful thing than young love. Old love.'"
That's how we have been blessed. With times in the depth of the valley
we can appreciate our mountaintop experiences and treasure the peaceful
plateau times.
Love is more than a feeling. It is a decision.
"Together wing to wing and oar to oar." (Robert Frost)
_________________________
Copyright (c) 2020 Michael J. McManus, a syndicated columnist and past president of Marriage Savers. To read past columns, go to
www.ethicsandreligion.com. Hit
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